Discard:
Sold an auto. – Joseph Leff

Discharged:
A shut-down generator. – Joseph Leff

Disconcerted
Thrown out of a concert

Disconsolate
A record being played after midnight

Discount:
Remove Dracula. – Joseph Leff

Discourse:
Fire a professional golfer. – Joseph Leff

Discredited:
Cut up all the plastic cards. – Joseph Leff

Discreet:
Remove a resident of a Mediterranean island. – Joseph Leff

Disdain:
Here’s Hamlet. – Joseph Leff

Disease:
Get rid of every E. – Joseph Leff

Disenchanted:
Retired sorceress. – Joseph Leff

Disfigured:
Unemployed mathematician. – Joseph Leff

Disgraced:
Eliminated Grace. – Joseph Leff

Disguised:
A club for lasses only. – Joseph Leff

Disgust:
(1) Debated.
(2) Excluded Gus. – Joseph Leff

Dishonest:
Plate on a bird’s home. – Joseph Leff

Disillusioned:
A retired magician. – Joseph Leff

Disinherit:
Unwilling. – Joseph Leff

Disinheritance:
Heir cut. – Joseph Leff

Dismay:
Follows dis April. – Joseph Leff

Dismayed:
Not dat housekeeper. – Joseph Leff

Dismissed:
(1) The fog lifted.
(2) A club for men only. – Joseph Leff

Dismounted:
A cashiered Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman. – Joseph Leff

Disorganised:
Removed church music. – Joseph Leff

Disoriented:
A fired Far Eastern diplomat. – Joseph Leff

Disparate:
Got rid of Polly. – Joseph Leff

Dispelled:
A retired witch. – Joseph Leff

Dispense
Give out pocket money

Dispirited:
Got rid of Casper. – Joseph Leff

Dispossessed:
Exorcised. – Joseph Leff

Disquieted:
A retired librarian. – Joseph Leff

Dissent
Say you don’t like someone’s perfume

Dissenter:
(1) Remove the skunk.
(2) Dis middle. – Joseph Leff

Distaff
Not dat staff. – Joseph Leff

Distinct
How one can tell the difference between skunks and other animals.

Distract
A derailed train. – Joseph Leff

Distressed:
Woman with a shaved head. – Joseph Leff

Divergent:
A frogman. – Joseph Leff

Diversified:
A retired poet. – Joseph Leff

Divine:
Tarzan swings on it. – Joseph Leff

Divorce Court:
Hall of blame. – Joseph Leff

Divorce:
(1) The splice of life.
(2) Past tense of marriage. – Joseph Leff

Doberman pinscher
The freshest fellow in the town of Doberman.

Docket:
A small, female dock. – Joseph Leff

Dockyard:
(1) A physician’s garden.
(2) A 3-foot tall physician. – Joseph Leff

Doctor Doolittle:
A very tired medical professional. – Joseph Leff

Doctor
Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Dog kennel
A barking lot.

Dog Pound:
(1) A used cur lot.
(2) 16 ounces of canine. – Joseph Leff

Dog Star:
Lassie. – Joseph Leff

Dog Tag:
When a dog says, “You’re it.” – Joseph Leff

Dog
An animal that should never be allowed near a flea circus, because he might walk off with the show.

Dogmatic
Robot dog

Do-It-Yourself-Surgery:
Suture self. – Joseph Leff