Funny definitions – the real meanings of words

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H – Pages 123456

Harp
(1) A piano in the nude.
(2) A giant egg slicer.

Harpist:
A plucky musician. – Joseph Leff

Harry Potter:
Harass the ceramicist. – Joseph Leff

Harvest
What farmers wear to cut corn

Has a Heavy Course Load:
(1) An overworked caddy.
(2) A busy waitress. – Joseph Leff

Has a List:
Leans. – Joseph Leff

Has a Shot:
A syringe. – Joseph Leff

Hat rack
Torture instrument for headgear.

Hatch Back
Car boot full of eggs

Hatchet
What a hen does to an egg

Hatless
The strong man who carried the world on his shoulders

Hatred of Modern Art:
Can cause an art attack. – Joseph Leff

Haul Into Court:
Corridor connecting the lifts to the courtrooms. – Joseph Leff

Haunted wigwam
A creepy teepee.

Have an In:
Own a pub. – Joseph Leff

Have Heads in the Clouds:
Aviators. – Joseph Leff

Have No Rights:
(1) An empty wedding chapel.
(2) All that is left. – Joseph Leff

Hawaiian Garland:
Lei of the land. – Joseph Leff

Hawaiian Wedding Ceremony:
Getting Mauied. – Joseph Leff

Hay
High class grass

Haymow:
A greeting from Curly. – Joseph Leff

Hayrick:
Greeting for Eric. – Joseph Leff

Hazel:
Greeting for Zelda. – Joseph Leff

He Got What’s Coming to Him:
An heir. – Joseph Leff

He Looks Forbidding:
An auctioneer. – Joseph Leff

Head hunter
The person to see if you have lost your head.

Head Off:
Purpose of a guillotine. – Joseph Leff

Head to Paris:
Tete. – Joseph Leff

Headaches:
Ill-gotten pains. – Joseph Leff

Headquarters:
A psychiatrist’s office. – Joseph Leff

Headress:
Where that chap lives. – Joseph Leff

Heads:
The bloke does basic math. – Joseph Leff

Headset:
A group of ship’s bathrooms. – Joseph Leff

Heal:
That chap is Alan. – Joseph Leff

Health:
Pertaining to Hades. – Joseph Leff

Heaped:
He impersonated. – Joseph Leff

Hear, Hear!:
Not there, there. – Joseph Leff

Hearing Aids:
Ears. – Joseph Leff

Hearing:
A groom’s wedding band. – Joseph Leff

Hearken:
Listen to Kenneth. – Joseph Leff

Hearse
Not his. – Joseph Leff

Hearse:
Not hiss. – Joseph Leff

Heart Recipient:
A Valentine. – Joseph Leff

Heart Warming
Monster’s cooking class

Heart:
Painting and sculpting for men only. – Joseph Leff

Heartless:
Describes Dorthy’s friend, the Tin Man. – Joseph Leff

Heathen:
Warm up a chicken. – Joseph Leff

Hebrew:
(1) A male teabag.
(2) A bloke’s ale. – Joseph Leff

Heck:
Where people who don’t believe in Gosh go. – Joseph Leff

Hectic
A darn insect. – Joseph Leff

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H – Pages 123456