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Funny definitions - the real meanings of words

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Scale:
Using it three times daily is weigh too much. - Joseph Leff

Scales
The part of a fish that weighs the most

Scandal :
Done to Albert before security let him board the aeroplane. - Joseph Leff

Scarce:
Frightens. - Joseph Leff

Scarcity:
A blemished urban area. - Joseph Leff

Scarecrow:
To frighten Russell. - Joseph Leff

Scarlet Fever:
Excitement over small blemishes. - Joseph Leff

Scenery:
A collection of past observations. - Joseph Leff

Scenic:
Why kids stay awake late on December 24. - Joseph Leff

Schematic:
An automatic ski-teaching machine. - Joseph Leff

School Board
The principal's paddle.

School in Marseilles:
Ecole. - Joseph Leff

School Principal:
Obey the teacher. - Joseph Leff

School Spirit
Ghost that haunts a school.

School:
Hey, Dude, isn't that neat? - Joseph Leff

Schoolmates:
Two fishes in love. - Joseph Leff

Scold:
Opposite of swarm. - Joseph Leff

Scorekeeper
A music librarian.

Scotch Egg
What you get from chickens fed on whisky

Scotland Yard
(1) Two feet eleven inches.
(2) 36 inches in Edinburgh.

Scotland:
Telling the pilot, Scott, to bring the plane down safely. - Joseph Leff

Scout Out:
The spy isn't here. - Joseph Leff

Scrapbook
(1) A boxer's diary
(2) A recycling ledger. - Joseph Leff

Scratch Paper
Paper that makes you feel itchy.

Scratch:
Just grate. - Joseph Leff

Screen Door
What kids get a big bang out of.

Screen Test
Something that insects are always trying to pass.

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