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TEACHER: Use the word “knockwurst” in a sentence.
PUPIL: A chicken joke is bad; an elephant joke is worse, but I’d rate a knock knockwurst

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
PUPIL: I is . . . .
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say “I am.”
PUPIL: All right. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

TEACHER: Use “defeat,” “defense” and “detail” in a sentence.
PUPIL: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.

TEACHER: Alvin, how many letters are there in the alphabet?
PUPIL: 18.
TEACHER: Wrong, there are 26.
PUPIL: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after them.

TEACHER: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
PUPIL: Eleven.
TEACHER: Eleven!
PUPIL: T H E A L P H A B E T = 11 !

TEACHER: If “can’t” is short for “cannot,” what is “don’t” short for?
PUPIL: Doughnut.

PUPIL: Him and me helped clean up the yard.
TEACHER: Now, don’t you mean he and I helped?
PUPIL: No, Mr. Jones, you weren’t even there.

TEACHER: What are subordinate clauses?
PUPIL: Santa’s helpers.

TEACHER: Rudolph, describe a synonym.
PUPIL: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

TEACHER: Herman, name two pronouns.
PUPIL: Who, me?
TEACHER: Correct!