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TEACHER: If you had 36 cents in one pocket and 59 cents in the other pocket, what would you have?
PUPIL: Somebody else’s pants.

TEACHER: How do you find the square root of 144?
PUPIL: I generally ask someone who’s smarter than I am.

TEACHER: If you had two dimes and your brother gave you a nickel, how much money would you have?
PUPIL: Twenty cents.
TEACHER: You don’t know your mathematics.
PUPIL: You don’t know my brother.

TEACHER: Remember, class, you can’t add apples and oranges.
PUPIL: My mother does it all the time. She calls it fruit cocktail.

TEACHER: If you have 5 people and only 4 apples, how would you divide
them?
PUPIL: I’d ask someone to go get a knife and whoever was stupid enough to go
wouldn’t get an apple.

TEACHER: Let X equal the unknown quantity. Now, if X + 10 = 20, and X – 5 = 5, what is X?
PUPIL: As far as I’m concerned, it’s still the unknown quantity.

TEACHER: Can you count from 1 to 20?
PUPIL: I’m not sure. How about if I just count from 1 to 10 twice?

TEACHER: Today we’re studying percentages. If there are ten questions on a quiz and you get ten correct, what do you get?
PUPIL: Accused of cheating.

What do you call an arithmetic teacher who can make numbers disappear?
A mathemagician.

How far open were the windows in the math class?
Just a fraction.