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Why did the headmaster move the chickens out of the playground?
So the pupils wouldn’t overhear foul language.

Can you fight?
No.
Put ’em up you coward!

What’s a cheerful flea called?
A hoptimist.

TEACHER: You’ve been fighting again, and this time you’ve lost both your front teeth.
PUPIL: No, I haven’t, miss. They’re in my coat pocket.

I’m a born leader I’m always the first out of school.

SON: Mum, I’ve been banned from science lessons.
MOTHER: Why’s that?
SON: Because I blew something up.
MOTHER: What?
SON: School!

Fred stamped in the house, threw his schoolbag on a chair and announced, `I’m not going there again!’ ‘Whatever’s the matter?’asked his mother.
`I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk, so what’s the use?’ demanded Fred.

My best friend isn’t coming back to school, she’s gone to the Caribbean.
Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.

What did the teacher say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses? Nothing. He didn’t recognise them.

Why don’t you like your new teacher?
Because she told me to come and sit at the front for the present, and she never gave me a present.