Boadicea – School Report



Name of Pupil: Boadicea Age: 12

Report for summer term, AD 48


Boadicea may be younge, but she is certainly no ladie.

She is wilde and verie verie pugnacious. She is alwayes so determined to get her owne way that she spends more time in ye academie’s dungeons than she does in ye classeroomes.

I do not think Boadicea has learnte anything at all in her time here. Not even to spelle here owne name, whiche the Billie girle still writes as Boudicca.



Boadicea woulde not do ye lace doilie classe work. She spente all her time in embroiderie of ye backe of here leathers jacket with ruche slogans as, ‘Boudicca rools, OK?’ and ‘Worlds Tour, AD 48, Boudicca and ye Battlers’.


Dreadfulle. The onlie time Boadicea showed an interest was in ye lesson about howe to make chipper. Even then she onlie wanted to boile ye oils. When I asked her what she had to putts in it nexte she did not knows. All she coulde says was, ‘Do not worrie, miss, I will thinks of somebodie.’

I was not amusede. Neither was Esmerelda Pike, who was the somebodie she thought of.


Boadicea forsooke ye basketrie option in favoure of ye metalworke. Lo and beholds, ye academie chariot, used for alle manners of outings, suddenlie findes itself with a razor sharp swords blade on eache wheelie.

Ye chariots dulie failed its MOT test. True, it is olds; true, it may have failed ye test anywaye; but ye examiner having his legges cutte, off at ye knees did not helps a bitte.

Franklie, I thinks it woulde be bettere for alle concerned if Boadicea lefts ye academie as soone as possible. The careeres officer sayes there is a good war coming up and they wille wants all ye lunatiks they can gette.

Bettie Smithe
Forme Teachere