Fairy Godmother Girls’ School
Name of Pupil: Cinderella
Dear Baron Hardup,
Yet again, Cinderella has fallen asleep at her desk.
That makes the third time this week, and the twenty-first time this month. (And she snores so loudly! Any husband she might eventually win for herself won’t find that too charming). This really must stop.
Clearly, she is not getting enough sleep. But why? As her personal counsellor I felt it incumbent upon me to find out. This is why I am writing to you. Having spoken at length to Cinderella (when she woke up), I fear that we are dealing with a much bigger problem than simple insomnia.
I suspected as much when she said that the usual cause of her tiredness was the vast amount of castlework scrubbing, cleaning, polishing Buttons etc. that, she claims, her delightful sisters force her to do.
But when she told me the reason why she was especially tired today… Well, I was left in no doubt. My dear sir, it is my unpleasant duty to tell you that Cinderella, is to put it bluntly, stark raving bonkers.
What other explanation can there be, when a girl claims that she didn’t get to bed until after midnight because she had to hop all the way home from a glittering ball wearing one glass slipper, due to the coach she arrived in having turned into a giant pumpkin! I ask you what a whopper!
I’m sorry, but I think we should meet to discuss some treatment for the girl. I only wish I could wave a magic wand and sort her out myself.