Darth Vader – School Report

Darth Vader

Inter-Galactic Middle School

Name of Pupil: VADER, Darth

Age: 11

Subject: Social skills

Darth is an enthusiastic pupil, but he must try to get on better with other boys.

On a number of occasions this term I have had to speak severely to him about his intolerant and unruly behaviour.

The incident concerning poor Lemuel Moon was a case in point. Admittedly the boy is rather slow, which is presumably why the other boys call him The Fool Moon but, nevertheless, Darth could have had more patience with him during their joint classwork exercise to draw up a plan for the complete annihilation of the planet Earth.

For Darth to cleave poor Moon in two with his junior laserbeam sword because he hadn’t managed to calculate how many light years it would take to reach Trafalgar Square was, in my opinion, something of an overreaction.

Darth also responds poorly to constructive criticism. When I said to him, at the time of the Lemuel Moon Incident, ‘Two wrongs do not make a right,’ his reply left much to be desired. Not only did he give me a very black look, he pointed at the two halves of the unfortunate Moon and said, ‘No Sir, they make a right and a left!’ I thought that reply was quite uncalled for, and told Darth so.

I still find it hard to forgive him for his petulant reaction. Slicing off my ear was extremely foolish. Had he been In any other class he would most certainly have had a slap on the back of his leg for that.

However, I remain convinced that his naughty behaviour is simply a mask, and that beneath it there’s a friendly little fellow trying to get out. Perhaps he needs a regular playmate? A new boy, Luke Skywalker, joins us next term. Perhaps they will get on well together.


Obi One Kinobi Two
Form Master