Desperate Dan – School Report

Desperate Dan



Name of Pupil: DAN, Desperate Age: 15

Dear Mr and Mrs Dan,

As we all know, Desperate is not a bright boy (if boy is the right word for someone who’s been shaving since he was six). He has spent so long at the bottom of the class the other children call him ‘Shipwreck.’

It therefore gives me great pleasure to write and tell you that Desperate has finally managed to gone top of the class in a General Knowledge test!

I know how delighted you must be at this news of his success, so I’m enclosing Desperate’s completed exam paper.

This was a tremendous performance, deserving of some reward. I’d give him a tenth helping of cow pie if I were you.

Yours sincerely,

Spike Cactus
Head Teacher

Q. What is the term used by dectectives where a crook has gotten clean away with a burglary without leaving any fingerprints?
A. Haven’t got a clue

Q. What word would we use to describe a student who has passed an exam? A. Pass

Q. What does an encore mean?
A. And again

Q. Where does milk come from?
A. And anudder one

Q. What does SOS mean?
A. Help!

Q. What would a mountaineer say when the weather conditions prevented him from seeing the top of the mountain?
A. Haven’t got the foggiest

Q. What did the Dalek say when the other Dalek asked where the Tardis had gone? A. Who knows

Score 7/7