Dr Who – School Report

Dr Who

Hyperspace School for Time Travellers

Name of Pupil: WHO, Doctor

Age: 9

Dear Mr and Mrs Who,

Is there any chance that you could change your surname? Anything will, do, so long as it’s different. How about Rumplestiltskin or ztipz? Qwertyuiop, perhaps, or Ng?

The reason is, you see, with your son being called what he is, I’m having terrible trouble every time I try to take the register. It invariably goes something like this …

Kirk? Here, Miss. Spock? Absent, Miss. Anybody know where?

Where no man has gone before, Miss.

Who? Spock has.

Miss. No, no.

Who. Is Who here?

What? Who! Is Who here?

That’s not proper English, Miss.

You mean who is here?

Well, is he?


Who! Oh, Who!

Why didn’t you say so, Miss?

It’s for you WhoI

Who me?


You’re shouting again!

You’ll make me cry, Miss. No, don’t.. I. can’t help it..

Waaagggh! Boo Who!!

And so it goes on.

Please, Mr and Mrs Who, can you change your name? Register taking would be so much easier without all this who ha.

Yours sincerely,

Lieutenant WhoWoora
Form Teacher