MINISTRY OF DEFENCE SCHOOL FOR THE SONS OF
Name of Pupil: BOND, James
Dear Mr and Mrs Bond,
This school does its level best to provide meals with a high nutritional content. It makes available a wide and varied diet, to suit all tastes. It also offers a full range of beverages tea, coffee, orange squash, lemon squash, fizzy lemonade, milk ..
What it does not offer is a full wining and dining service so that your son James can impress 3rd form girls like Pussy Wilkinson and Domino Dobson with his savoir faire.
Please make this point to him. Also that if he asks me just once more for an orange squash and lemonade cocktail, shaken not stirred, I will personally shove my serving spoon right up his hooter.
Mrs Winifred Moneypenny