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Funny school reports from famous people

James T Kirk

Starfleet Secondary School

Name of Pupil: KIRK, James T.
Age: 13
Dateline: 19 January 2904
Subject: Leadership

This report is a mixture of good news and bad news.

The good news is that Kirk is a born leader.

The bad news is that Kirk acts as though he was born yesterday. This is reflected in the fact that the other trainees have nicknamed him James T. Berk.

For example, potential Starfleet Commanders do not charge into the girls' cloakroom bellowing at the tops of their voices, `Come on, you lot! Let's boldly go where no lad has gone before!'

Neither do they rush out again, their eyes popping, and yell "Cor! Gawp factor one!"

One might be tempted to make allowances, and say that this is just a phasor Kirk is going through, were he not quite so insensitive to the feelings of others.

On the assault course the other day, for instance, Kirk was paired with another boy in a task which involved them both climbing on to a narrow plank of wood. The other boy was about to give Kirk a hand up when his nose started to run. A potential leader, sensitive to the needs of a member of his team, would have happily waited while the other boy took out his handkerchief. Not so Kirk. Even I, on the other side of the field, heard him scream; `Come on, beam me up, Snotty!'

The future commander of a star ship? I wouldn't put him in charge of a star rowing boat.

Ms Gail Force

Chief Instructress

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