Michaelangelo – School Report



Memorandum to: The Governor

Offender No. 281745


Offender 281745 (Michaelangelo) has buckled down well to life behind bars. Some of the credit must go to our warders, who are also very good at buckling with the end of their belts, mostly but 281745 has played his part.

Being put to work in the painting department has helped.

Given 281745’s record, this was a bold and imaginative move by our Director of Forced Labour. After all, the boy wasn’t sent here for nothing. Being found guilty on 714 counts of graffiti vandalism can hardly be called a simple brush with the law.

So giving him a can of paint again could have meant black marks for all of us. But no. Happily, this has not been the case. 281745 has responded well to the challenge and appears to have discovered a purpose in life.

He is a slow worker, but definitely getting faster. Whereas Michaelangelo’s painting speed might once have been described as snail’s paced it is now noticeably quicker; more turtlepaced, I would say.

And, what is more, the school has gained from 281745’s industry. Every wall, every window, every door …all now gleam with a fresh coat of paint.

Having angels on the toilet block ceiling is a bit unusual, but I suppose I’ll get accustomed to them eventually.

Ike E. Pemin
Head Warder