Roy Race – School Report

Roy Race


Name of Pupil: RACE, Roy

Age: 14

Subject: Football

Footballers is supposed to be intelligents but this here pertikuler RACE is lost.

He spends most of his tyme imajining himself in the furst team scoring goalls left, right and centre spot. ‘Roy of the Rovers’, he calls himself. Well I’s sorry if what I’ve gotto rite will disappoint the lad, but my oppoonion is he ain’t not got a chance.

There’s too much competition here, see. I mean like, Race ain’t as fast as that young Gary Spinnaker goes like the wind that boy. Niver is his ball control nuffink like as good as Chris Doddle’s (he makes it all look so easy), or his tackling as hard as y’know, Vinnie Bones, who’s broken a few in his time. I mean, Race doesn’t even smile much, not like our goalie keeper Peter Stilton who’s always got a cheesey grin on his face.

No, the only fang about Race what stands out is his redd hair. I knows that’ll disappoint the boy and naturolly he’ll feel as sick as a carrot.

Wally Overthemoon Yoof Teem Couch