Walter Raleigh – School Report

Walter Raleigh

Plymouth Ho School for Naval Children

Name of Pupil: RALEIGH, Walter

Age: 5

Dear Mr and Mrs Raleigh,

This note is to explain why Walter has come home with a sopping wet blazer.

Having lost the toss with Miss Witherington, I was on playground duty this morning. Now, not surprisingly after the torrential rain we’ve been having over the past few days, the playground was covered with puddles.

Walter I notice was over by the sand pit, playing dolls with Elizabeth Shrimp.
When the bell went they came skipping back to class, only to find the way barred by a particularly large puddle.

I would not have believed what happened next had I not seen it with my own eyes. Instead of going round the puddle, Walter took off his blazer and laid it down for Elizabeth to tread on.

The condition of Walter’s blazer, therefore, is entirety the result of his own stupidity. Of course his sandwiches, geometry set, champion conker, Swiss pen knife and miniature bowls set of which were in the pockets are in the same soggy condition.

P.S. You should also expect to receive a bill from Mr and Mrs Shrimp in the next few days. Stupidly, Walter pulled his blazer away before Elizabeth stepped off it, with the result that she ended up flat on her back in two inches of mud and slime. In the circumstances, her screech of ‘You great Wally’ was perfectly understandable.

R. Mada

School playground supervisor