William Tell – School Report

William Tell


Name of Pupil: TELL, William

Age: 13

Subject: Archery

I have to Tell you that William is an absolute menace.

At first, he couldn’t fire an arrow straight to save his life.

I’d tried him with a longbow and I’d tried him with a short bow. I’d tried him standing up straight and not bowing at all. Finally, when I was really annoyed I tried him with a crossbow. Surprisingly, he found he was quite good with it.

The trouble is that now he’ll aim at anything. At first he was content to go into the field behind the school and practise hitting bulls eyes from forty paces. Then the farmer started to complain (the bulls weren’t looking very well either), and William had to turn his attentions elsewhere.

Since then I’ve found him intimidating first year pupils by shooting arrows into their cans of drink and shouting ‘Yeh! Hole orange!’

I’ve also had complaints about him from the fatter boys in his class. Being threatened by somebody aiming an arrow at you and yelling `Come on, quiver!’ is not much fun.

Frankly, William is starting to give me the pip. Goodness knows what he’ll try next.

Jeremy Archer
Sports Master