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Teacher jokes and humor

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TEACHER: why are you late for school again?
PUPIL: I stopped two boys fighting, sir.
TEACHER: Well done. How did you manage that?
PUPIL: I kicked both of them, sir.

TEACHER: Sadie, why are you crawling into school ten minutes late?
PUPIL: Because you told me never to walk into school late again.

You missed school yesterday, didn't you?
No, sir, not a bit.

When the teacher entered the classroom, he noticed a little pool of water near the blackboard.

`Who is responsible for this?' he asked. No one replied.

`I want the person who did this to own up,' said the teacher. `Everyone close your eyes, then the guilty person must come forward and write their name on the blackboard. No one must open their eyes until I say so.'

So everyone closed their eyes. Soon there were quiet footsteps over to the blackboard, a pause and then the sound of someone writing on it with chalk, followed by more footsteps.

When the teacher told everyone to open their eyes there was a loud gasp. Another little puddle of water had appeared next to the first, and on the blackboard was written, `The Phantom Piddler Strikes Again!'

TEACHER: Now, children, this afternoon I'm going to tell you all about a gorilla.
So pay attention, all of you: If, you don't look at me you'll never know what a gorilla is.

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