Teacher jokes and humor

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TEACHER: What is the climate of New Zealand like?
PUPIL: Very cold, Sir.
PUPIL: But, Sir, when they send us meat, it always arrives frozen.

PUPIL: What’s the difference between wages and a salary, sir?
TEACHER: Well, if you get paid wages, you get paid every week, but if you get paid a salary, you get paid every month. For example, I get a salary and I’m paid every month.
PUPIL: Really? Where do you work, sir?

TEACHER: You’re late! You should have been here at nine o’clock.
PUPIL: Why, sir, what happened?

TEACHER: If eggs were fifty pence a dozen, how many would you get for thirty pence?
PUPIL: None.
PUPIL: If I had thirty pence I’d buy a bag of crisps.

TEACHER: What is the opposite of misery?
PUPIL: Happiness, Sir.
TEACHER: Good. And what is the opposite of sadness?
PUPIL: Gladness.
TEACHER: Excellent. And what is the opposite of woe?
PUPIL: Gee up.

TEACHER: Alan, give me a sentence starting with `I’.
TEACHER: No. You must always say `I am…’
PUPIL: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TEACHER: I told you to write out this poem twenty times because your handwriting is so bad and you’ve only written it out eleven times.
PUPIL: Please, sir, my arithmetic is bad, too.

A teacher was talking to her class about the rewards of hard work.

`The ant is an example to us all,’ she said.

`Every day the ant goes to work. Every day the ant is busy. And in the end what happens?’

A voice shouted from the back, `Someone steps on it!’