Teacher: What are you going to do in the school talent show?
Pupil: I'm going to sing "Old Lady River." Teacher: Don't you mean "Old Man River?"
Pupil: No, I'm singing about a lady river - Mississippi!
PUPIL (after singing a song horribly): How did you like my execution?
MUSIC TEACHER: I'm all in favor of it.
I didn't say your voice was out of this world.
I said it was unearthly.
You have a fine voice.
Don't spoil it by I singing.
I like the song you sang.
One day you should put it to music.
Of course your voice is pure.
You strain it every time you sing.
MUSIC TEACHER: Now, please sing the scale.
STUDENT: Do re mi fa sol la do. MUSIC TEACHER: You left out the "ti."
STUDENT: I know every time I try to hit a high note, my voice sinks. MUSIC TEACHER: Again you left out the "t."
TEACHER: What are your favorite songs?
PUPIL: I have five of them "Three Blind Mice" and "Tea for Two."
"That tune has been running through my head all day."
"Of course there's nothing there to get in its way."