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I like going to school; I like going home;
it’s the bit in between I don’t like.
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I think my teacher is a card player.
He shuffles as he walks.
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I wish we could sell our teachers.
Why?
‘Cos I read that at auctions Old Masters are fetching big prices.
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BULLY: Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
PUPIL: No, I never interfere with nature.
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TEACHER: Who gave you that black eye?
PUPIL: No one gave it to me, sir. I had to fight for it.
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Simon was the school swot.
The other children used to pick him up and swot flies with him.
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What nationality are you?
Well, my mother was born in Iceland and my father was born in Cuba so I guess that makes me an ice cube.
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Did you hear about the schoolboy who turned up at school with only one glove on?
The teacher asked him why and he replied, `Well, the weather forecast said that it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be quite cool.’
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What did you get for Christmas?
A mouth organ. It’s the best present I’ve ever had.
Why?
My Mum gives me one pound a week not to play it.
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Two boys were fighting in the playground. The teacher separated them and said sternly, `You mustn’t behave like that! You must learn to give and take.’
`We did, miss,’ replied one of the boys. `He took my crisps and I gave him a thump.’
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