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I like going to school; I like going home;
it's the bit in between I don't like.

I think my teacher is a card player.
He shuffles as he walks.

I wish we could sell our teachers.
Why?
'Cos I read that at auctions Old Masters are fetching big prices.

BULLY: Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
PUPIL: No, I never interfere with nature.

TEACHER: Who gave you that black eye?
PUPIL: No one gave it to me, sir. I had to fight for it.

Simon was the school swot.
The other children used to pick him up and swot flies with him.

What nationality are you?
Well, my mother was born in Iceland and my father was born in Cuba so I guess that makes me an ice cube.

Did you hear about the schoolboy who turned up at school with only one glove on?
The teacher asked him why and he replied, `Well, the weather forecast said that it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be quite cool.'

What did you get for Christmas?
A mouth organ. It's the best present I've ever had.
Why?
My Mum gives me one pound a week not to play it.

Two boys were fighting in the playground. The teacher separated them and said sternly, `You mustn't behave like that! You must learn to give and take.'
`We did, miss,' replied one of the boys. `He took my crisps and I gave him a thump.'

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