ET – The Extra Terrestrial – School Report

ET – The Extra Terrestrial


Name of Pupil: TERRESTRIAL, Extra

Age: Not known estimate; 13 billion years.

Dear Mr and Mrs Terrestrial,

I do so hope that your son, Extra, enjoyed his stay with us as a visiting scholar.

Certainly the other children enjoyed haying Extra about the place. As children do, they made up their own name for Extra. They called him E.T. for short. Presumably because Extra is. Short, I mean. Well, you must admit he’s certainly not extra large. Ha ha.

Whether or not E.T. learned much while he was with us, I’m not too sure. Frankly he looked rather spaced out for much of the time, although that could have been through being Saturn his bottom for longer than he was used to.

Certainly he discovered a taste for chocolate. It was most unusual to see him without a mars bar in his hand. Unless he was eating a Galaxy bar, of course, or a milky way. I know for sure that he’s spent most of his money. When I asked how much he’d got left he just shrugged and said ‘Astro nought’.

Finally, I hope he’s returned home with all of his baggage. On his last morning here I found him in a distressed state, searching around in the woods at the back of the school. I asked him what he was looking for. ‘Sputnik,’ he croaked. Well, I called the whole school together and gave them all a rocket, but to no avail. Unfortunately I don’t know what a sput looks like; if I had, it might have made it easier to find out who nicked it.

Yours sincerely,

I. Blastoff