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Why did the dog run out on the baseball field?
It was time for the seventh inning fetch (stretch).

Why did the wrestler always carry a key?
To get out of hammerlocks.

Why was the spider one of the most valuable members of the ball team?
It was good at catching flies.

How does a trombone reach second base?
Slide.

What do catchers eat dinner from?
Home plate.

How do professional football players eat chili? Out of souper bowls.

Who is the handsomest school athlete? The sprinter, because he’s always dashing.

What is the worst part of the year for mountain climbing?
The fall.

How did Pinocchio win all the races?
By a nose.

What did the ski instructor say as he heard the weather report?
“Snow news is good news.”

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Why did the athlete lose the decathlon?
He had a slipped discus

Why were all the hurdle events cancelled?
It wasn’t a leap year.

What’s the world’s longest punctuation mark?
The fifty yard dash.

What is the noisiest sport?
Racquetball.

What would you get if you crossed a bowling alley with a knitting school?
Pins and needles.

What’s the best animal to take along when you go swimming? The gi raft (giraffe)

What is an athlete’s favorite candy? Tourna mints.

What bird is the best weightlifter?
The crane.

Why was the kangaroo invited to join the basketball team?
He was good at jump shots.

Why did the basketball player bring a glass of water to gym class?
So he could learn how to dribble.

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TEACHER: How can I get you to devote as much energy to your class work as you devote to recess?
PUPIL: Start playing football in class.

MOTHER: You can’t play those rough games in the 5th grade. You’ll get yourself killed.
SON: Oh no, Mom. That’s the game they play in the 6th grade.

We play games at recess in our school.
One class mate suggested a game of “Hide and Seek.” We didn’t find him for four months.

SON: You have a bloody nose. Were you fight ing in school again today?
BRUCE: No, I wasn’t fighting, but the kid who hit me in the nose sure was.

TEACHER: Who started the fight?
PUPIL: He did, Teacher. He purposely hit me back.

What’s the highest you ever did at jumping rope?
Oh, about two inches off the ground.

Do you jump rope much?
No, just once each time the rope comes around.

I’m very good at jumping rope. Oh, I miss a lot,
but it’s generally the rope’s fault.

I hold the school record for jumping rope – One.
No one’s ever done lower than that.

Nobody likes to have me on their team.
We chose up sides yesterday and Joey Masters was chosen before me and he moved to Omaha three years ago.

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Why do soccer players do well in school?
Because they use their heads.

SON: Mom, we played baseball in school today and I stole second base.
MOTHER: Well, you march right over to school and put it back.

SON: I went out for the football team, Dad.
FATHER: Did you make it?
SON: I think so. The coach looked at me and said, “This is the end.”

TEACHER: The national sport in Spain is bullfighting and in England it’s cricket.
PUPIL: I’d rather play in England.
TEACHER: Why is that?
PUPIL: It’s easier to fight crickets.

When do boxers start wearing gloves?
When it gets cold.

I have a chance on the school soccer team.
I didn’t know they were raffling it off.

You’d make a great football player.
Even your breath is offensive.

You’re in such bad shape,
if you threw yourself on the floor you’d miss.

Why is the school yard larger at recess?
Because there are more feet in it.

You’re in such bad shape,
you better not try to lick an envelope.

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My teacher told me to exercise with dumbbells.
Will you join me in the gym?

TEACHER: Why are you taking your math book to the gym?
PUPIL: I have to reduce some fractions.

TEACHER: It is well known that exercise kills germs.
PUPIL: But how do you get the germs to exercise?

“What kind of marks did you get in physical education?”
“I didn’t get any marks only a few bruises.”

“I have the body of an athlete.”
“Better give it back. You’re getting it out of shape.”

What athlete is never promoted?
The left back.

What three R’s do cheerleaders learn at school?
“Rah, rah, rah!”

Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was first in the human race.

What subjects do runners like best?
Jog raphy (geography).

What famous runner had the most peculiar trainer?
Cinderella she had a pumpkin for a coach.

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The sports teacher was giving the class their very first cricket lesson. `Now, who can tell me how to hold a bat?’ he asked.
`By the wings, sir,’ replied Andy.

Did you hear about the football team that was so bad the crowd changes were announced to the team?

Why did the American football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.

If it takes a football team forty five minutes to eat a ham, how long will it take three football teams to eat half a ham?
It depends on whether they’re professional or ‘am eaters

TEACHER: Why are you late?
PUPIL: Sorry, sir, I was practising my football.
TEACHER: Perhaps you ought to practise headball, it might affect your brain more than my lessons do!

Our school team has got two Chinese footballers.
Chinese footballers?
Yes. We Won Once and How Long Since.

TEACHER: Now we’re all going to play squash. Which side would you like to be on?
PUPIL: The orange side, please.

He drives us up the wall,
He puts us through the hoop,
We never have a ball,
To that he wouldn’t stoop.
He really makes us crawl,
To him we bend our knee,
And with our arms outstretched,
We hail our teacher of PE.

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Why did Cinderella get thrown out of the rounders team?
Because she kept running away from the ball.

GAMES TEACHER: Why didn’t you do the long jump?
PUPILS: Because I’m short sighted, sir.

TEACHER: Why are you swimming on your back?
PUPIL: Because I’ve just had lunch and it’s dangerous to swim on a full stomach.

Joe came home from school looking really excited. `Mum, I think I’m going to be in the school athletics team,’ she said.

`That’s good,’ replied her mother. ‘Why?’

`Because today the teacher said that if I carry on the way I’m going, I’ll be for the high jump.’

Why is the football pitch always wet?
Because the players are always dribbling.

Can a match box?
No, but a tin can.

What’s the difference between a nail and a bad boxer?
One is knocked in and the other is knocked out.

A schoolboy at the swimming baths climbed to the very top diving board. He lifted his arms and was just about to dive off when the teacher came running up, shouting, `Don’t dive there’s no water in the pool!’
`That’s OK, sir,’ said the boy. `I can’t swim!’

The PE teacher was telling the class how important it was to exercise regularly. `Look at me, for example,’ he said. `I exercise every day and I can lift three hundred pounds.’
`That’s nothing, sir,’ shouted a boy at the back. `I know a woman who can lift five hundred pounds.’
Good gracious, who’s that?’ gasped the teacher.
`A cashier at the bank, sir!’

Are you going to watch the school football match this afternoon?
No, it’s a waste of time. I can tell you the score before the game starts.
Can you? What is it then?
Nil nil.

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What do you call the man who teaches you PE?
Jim Nash.

What did the games teacher say to the girl who lost a hockey ball?
Find it quickly or I’ll give you some stick,

What game goes round and round?
Rounders.

GYM TEACHER: You never come first in anything.
PUPIL: I’m always first in the dinner queue.

GYM TEACHER: Why didn’t you attempt the high jump?
PUPIL: I’m scared of heights, sir.

What do you get when you cross a dive with a handstand?
A broken back.

What is the quietest game?
Tenpin bowling, because you can hear a pin drop.

What has eleven heads and runs around screaming?
A school hockey team.

What does the winner lose in a race?
His breath.

Why is it funny to see aboy run a mile?
Because he really moves two feet.

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PE TEACHER: Why didn’t you stop that ball?
GOALIE: That’s what the net’s for, isn’t it?

Two boys were playing football. One boy tried a shot at goal, missed and said, `I could kick myself.’
`Don’t bother,’ said his friend. `You’ll probably miss.’

Why did the games master put sawdust on the football pitch?
To stop the school team from slipping out of the league.

What ring is square?
A boxing ring

FATHER: What position are you in the school football team, son?
SON: The games master says I’m the main drawback.

TEACHER: Has anyone seen my glasses?
PUPIL: Yes, sir, you left them on the pitch.
TEACHER: Well, why didn’t you give them to me?
PUPIL: I didn’t think you’d want them after I stepped on them.

Why are tennis balls round?
Because if they were square, they wouldn’t roll.

When is cricket a crime?
When there’s a hit and run.

Why did the liquorice go in to the Decathalon?
Because it was a liquorice all sport.

What’s a Chinese golf teacher called?
Ho Lin Wun.